First But Not Last

Does anybody remember Myspace? Well I do, I grew up in that era of social media. It was awesome, if anybody can recall. You could create your own page however you wanted. If you were really good, you can write your own html codes to customize your page even better than your friends! Myspacers were allowed to put music playlist on their pages, have top friends showing, (which caused a lot of drama, if you know what I mean.) follow their favorite bands, add pictures anywhere on their profile, have games to play for your buddies visiting your Myspace, have customizable fonts and of course follow anyone you wanted. Myspace was the foundation for all social media creations.

I made random pen pals through Myspace. Someone would add me from a random town like Salinas and we’d start to chit chat. After a few exchanges of common interest you started emailing each other or even use Yahoo messenger to communicate. Myspace wasn’t just for making friends. It was a platform for a dating social media website. I had the pleasure of experiencing just that.

On one random day some guy added me that was not from my area. My quick instinct quickly stalked his profile to see where he was from. To find out that he was from Folsom CA, a 3 1/2 hour drive from Kingsburg CA. A glimpse of their about me reads “Gay”. I started clicking on his albums for the curiosity to see if this guy was even cute and 20 clicks later Iv'e seen their “Profile Pics” album. 30 minutes later…….I knew who his best friends were, who was messaging him on his wall, what music he listened to and knew every small “about me” details in less than in hour. (I know, stalker right?) Thats the day I met Mike through Myspace.  

We immediately started conversing through Myspace and it converted to Yahoo messenger. After a couple of days messaging each other, we started talking on the phone for hours. It would be 9 pm and after you know it, it was 3am in the morning and I had school at 8 am at Kingsburg High. But that didn’t stop me from talking to him. At age 16 I was curious more than ever and I was young, so time didn’t stop me! We would also text each other during school and when I had the time I would write cute heart felt hand written letters to Mike and he would do the same. It was so exciting getting his mail. It was like getting christmas presents every week! I fell head over heals for Mike and vise versa. But the hardest thing between us was the distance. How can I fall in love with someone who lived so far? But I did. 

At this time I was 16 and I also recently got my drivers permit. And you know what that meant, I could actually drive to go see Mike. Luckily my parents got me a Nissan Frontier for my first vehicle. So I was more than ready. It was December 2005 when I decided it was time to finally meet Mike. I was extremely scared and nervous. This would be the first time ever to drive alone on the freeway, leave my small town of Kingsburg and drive alone for 3 1/2 hours to see someone I’ve never met before. It was nerve recking. I even prepared for the worst, I wrote my parents a goodbye/sorry letter just in case something went horribly wrong on my adventure. I tucked it under my pillow so it would have been easily discovered by them. 

Now the hardest part, lying to my parents. I needed an excuse to not be home for 3 days. So I told my mom that my friend was having a birthday bash for the weekend and everyone was welcomed to sleep over to continue the festivities. My mother was too nice and didn’t even think twice. She gave me a smile and said “Have fun mijo!” I then smiled back and told her that I loved her and walked to my room with a chirpy stroll. That night I called Mike about the great news and told him I'd see him the next morning at his house. I frantically packed for my mini small trip, along with my present that I wanted to give Mike in person.

I was up bright and early for this day. I couldn’t sleep from all the excitement and worries I had built up. It was the day I get to finally see Mike and give him the kiss I promised him.I was ready with my google map directions printed out and was on the road to Folsom by 8am. The drive was pretty intense since I never driven on a freeway before. I found myself doing really well and once I knew it I arrived to Folsom in the early afternoon. Filled with glee I parked in front of Mikes house and called him from my cell phone. Seconds later Mike came out running towards me to say hello and to give me a big kiss. That very moment everything felt perfect. 

I couldn’t stay over the night so Mike had his older sister book us a hotel near where he lived for 2 nights. I couldn’t stop smiling and neither could he. We went all over town. Mikes showed me around his home town. Where he went to school and where he hung out with friends. It was a beautiful town filled with forestry everywhere you turned. I fell in love the town and even more so with Mike. Everything felt right, every second spent with him for those short 3 days. We went shopping, we grubbed like kings, and admired each others presence. Those two nights spent with him was unforgettable. We talked all night like we would when we weren’t together, we laughed and shared more personable stories with each other. I felt whole, not alone for once, in each others arms. I didn’t want to leave. He was like my missing piece, it was like I knew him my whole life. The 3 joyful days I spent with Mike were amazing and magical. 

Obviously I couldn't stay any longer and I had to say my goodbyes to Mike. It was one of the hardest things to do. But, I knew for a fact I would see him again. That Sunday afternoon we pulled up to his drive way and thats when the water works started. I pulled out a stuffed bear sprayed with my cologne to give to Mike, so he can have something to hold and remember me by. He obviously cried as well. We sat in my truck for over an hour not wanting to leave each other. I finally built up the will to say my real goodbye and drive off. Mike gave me a long lasting hug with a sealed kiss. My drive back home was not the happiest. The weather even matched my feelings that day. Grey, dark, gloomy and rainy. 

Arriving safe home that night; I called Mike to tell him I missed him and wishing he was right next to me. Days and weeks would go by wondering when I would see Mike again. It was hard on both of us, not being able to interact with each other in person. Our conversations stared to dwindle, the love notes stopped and everything seemed harder. A couple of months later we still haven’t seen each other. One night Mike and I had our usual conversation but that night was not the same. That night Mike and I broke up. It was one of my saddest events I had experienced at such a young age. 

I didn’t know what to do with myself after that. So many thoughts scattered my brain and all I wanted to do was to be locked up in my room. The thought that the person you admired so much wasn’t going to be there. The distance was what reason that tore us apart. It was so hard not seeing each other in person and making memories together. I cried for many nights wondering what if I lived closer? What if I tried harder? What if I just drove there once a week to see him? What if questions fogged up my mind for days. It was over and I thought my life was over too. I couldn't comprehend what life was. I thought I've met someone that I could laugh with, tell my secrets too, admire, make memories with, be goofy with and not feel stupid. I actually loved Mike at such a young age. I was so lost with myself that my parents started to see that something was terribly wrong. I snapped, yelled and even threaten my parents with a knife. I was not the happy, chirpy, and excited teenager that they knew. My grades started to suffer and I started to skip class. My parents were aware of my actions and decided to reach out for help and my school counselor recommend to see a therapist for my “depression” to say the least.

Every week I would meet with my therapist for about an hour. We talked about everything. The hardest conversations with her were about Mike. She began to build up myself esteem. She gave me some life lessons that I still use today when I’m feeling down. With out her help I don’t really know where I would be this day. I thank my parents and sisters for helping me out through this hard time. After short of a year my therapist said I was ready to conquer the world all by myself and she mentioned she’d still be available anytime i need her guidance.

Even though Mike and I didn’t work out, it was a life lesson to be learn. Not everything has a happy ending and not everything has an ending. What this journey has taught me today is that your first love isn’t always going to be your last. There is someone out there for everybody. Time will come and one day you will find that special someone when you least expect it. So, if something doesn’t work out, don’t be sad, its not the end of the world. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. Breathe slowly and count to ten. Remind yourself how lucky you are to have the people that love you. Smile and embrace your beauty because that special someone is waiting for YOU.

RC <9